THE INTROVERT



this place makes me
the kind of exhausted that has 
nothing to do with sleep
and everything to do with 
the people around me
introvert - rupi kaur 

___


I love poetry. Especially when it hits close to home. This one echoed to me as if it was my own voice, as if I was the one who wrote it. This poem describe perfectly what introversion feels like.

'Given the choice, an introvert will devote his social energy to a small group of people he cares about most, preferring a glass of wine with a close friend to a party full of strangers. He thinks before speaking, has a more deliberate approach to risk, and enjoys solitude. He feels energized when focusing deeply on a subject or activity that really interests him. When in overly stimulating environments (too loud, too crowded, etc.) he tends to feel overwhelmed. He seeks out environments of peace, sanctuary, and beauty; he has an active inner life and is at his best when he taps into its riches.' 

This is one of many definitions about introverted people. Introversion is complicated to understand from the outside and even more complicated to live on the inside. As an introverted person myself I know the struggle it brings everyday, especially when coupled with anxiety and stress. 





As far as I can remember I have always been introverted. My parents told me that I would worry my kindergarten teachers as a child because I was always quiet and never played with the other kids. At the age of 2 I was already very solitary but contented with it. I grew up in my peaceful quietness. From elementary school to the end of high school, teachers would always put me as an example - which I did not like at all - for the all the noisy kids because I was always nice, quiet and had good grades. I made a few friends along the way and to this day they are still by my side. I was not part of the popular kids or the sociable ones who would have hundreds of friends, I had my little circle and was statisfied with it. One thing that would come up every time - every damn time! - in my school report was about my participation in class: 'Excellent work, but Maeva needs to participate more in class.'  Other than that I never had any troubles and never caused any. I grew up as an introvert and it never seemed to be problematic until today. 





When I say 'today' I mean now that I am 20. People start wondering why I never speak. Some assume that I am arrogant or rude or that I don't like them. And my 'resting bitch face' syndrom doesn't help (lmao). Well, that's not it. I am someone who likes to observe rather than participate in a conversation. I always overthink meaning that most of the time the conversation is over before I am able to say a word. It's not that I don't like people, it's more about the fact that I feel more confortable when I am alone. I am not arrogant or rude, it's just that I am not talkative and don't know how to maintain a conversation. I never do the first step because of my constant anxiety, I am always waiting for people to come to me first. I don't cancel plans last minute but I understand introverted people who do. I don't go out much because socialising  and being around a lot of people  - even though I have great fun - drains all the energy out of me, literally. It feels like running a marathon. It got even worst now that I am living abroad as it requires even more energy to speak in another language.

Fortunately - and funny enough - the majority of my friends at home happen to be introverts. Even though they are not here they always support me and I am forever grateful for it. They know how chatty I can be around them but how quiet I become in the presence of strangers. I am writing this post for them because I know we are all struggling to live fully in a world of extroverts. It is tiring and sometimes it gets on our nerves, but we all do our best. I am also writing this post because I am tired of hearing people's nasty remarks on me being too quiet. Here is an answer, take it. And for all the other introverts out there, big love. 



shirt (similar)- Pimkie / jumper (similar), skirt, boots (similar) - New Look